One Hundred (or so) things I've learned before 30
Random things I've learned in my 30 odd years on this goddamn planet
Taylor swift doesn’t have to be for me.
And THAT is okay. Brilliant songwriter? Absolutely. Her vocal and musicianship? Not my style. So for all you Swifties out there…come for me.
The added pressure being a perfect Indian child needs to stop.
As a first generation Indian-American, my parents only wanted the best for me. But I grew up in a household where I was told that being second was ROTTEN. “If you’re going to be second best, why even try?” is something my mother would say to me. Whatever I did, I had to be first. And when I was second (or even worse a tie…I shudder at this thought), I’d break down and just be sad.
She didn’t mean in it in a malicious way but it’s how she was raised. It added pressure on my life to be extra great, extra successful, and ultimately caused me to fail! What a treat, right?
For the Indian kids out there reading this — you understand so I don’t have to explain it.
But for those who are new — it’s a cultural thing tied to years and years of our parents working immensely hard to succeed when they came to America to make a better life for their kids. The intent it wonderful. The execution causes pain, trauma, and sadness. At least for me that is.
Here’s the thing. Indian parents out there. A word of advice: back the F*CK up. Let your children be and figure things out. Pressuring them is only going to make them resent you and this pressure of being “perfect”, it’s just not real. A perfect SAT score doesn’t give you street smarts. A Harvard degree will get you a job but it may not bring you happiness or creativity.
I understand this comes from a place of pure love and joy (mostly) AND the need for outside validation to prove a point that you are indeed doing a good job as a parent. But when I tell you it’s the source of my impatience, constant comparison, and inability to not be the best, you don’t want this for your child. Trust me.
Let them be the best for them. Not for you.
If I had the choice of a dessert or the love of my life, I’d probably pick the dessert.
Specifically a peanut butter chocolate chip cookie from Levain Bakery….
Beyonce, Prince, Viola Davis, Madhuri Dixit, and Whitney Houston are my idols.
You parents are still growing up. Give them some room to fail and breathe even when they are driving you crazy.
Set boundaries.
I just don’t care if you don’t feel like I’m nice to you anymore. I not interested in being everyone’s friend or having everyone like my work.
I don’t have to be for everyone and guess what…I’m not.
Turning off social media is the best thing I’ve ever done.
Social media is a pariah for me. That feeling when I receive a bunch of likes will only set me free and make me feel great for about two seconds UNTIL I see someone with more likes, followers, a career I want, a partner I want, etc.
None of it is real and I often take social media breaks because I need to clear my head — and it’s been the greatest thing for me. I’d honestly delete it all if it weren’t for my career and the importance it has on it. I implore people to get rid of it from time to time.
While I understand it’s importance and ability to help and monetize one’s life…it’s not for me.
Comparison is the Devil’s food.
This one is tough for me. One, because I don’t love Devil’s Food Cake. Two, because comparison isn’t helpful. We are all on our own path. Stay on it. Don’t look at what other’s are doing unless it’s for inspiration.
Make failing fun.
That body dysmorphia is something I’ll struggle with forever and yet I have found some acceptance of it.
My therapist knows about this one…I’ll leave that there.
The quest for the best breakfast burrito is indeed difficult.
But I have found it and it’s in Brooklyn.
Performing and creating art is truly what gives me the most joy and what I am meant to do.
I said what I said. I’ve known I’ve wanted to be a performer since I was six. I know it sounds gross and again, actor-like, but it’s true. Nothing gives me more joy than being in a rehearsal space and playing with different costumes, dialogues, and sets. It’s my Superbowl.
Career aspirations shouldn’t be tied to your happiness and self worth.
Jealously doesn’t diminish others’ accomplishments…it makes you look like an asshole.
Being jealous is very natural. You want what you don’t have and you often become jealous of others’ things and successes. Stop.
Bollywood movies are queer iconography.
Just look at these photos.
Googling actors who got their breaks late…won’t make you feel better.
The amount of times I’ve googled this is wild…
Shahrukh Khan plays the violin so badly in Mohabbatein.
Being Indian is complex, frustrating yet so colorful, loud, and incredible.
Having friends who will make fun of you builds character.
Being sensitive is okay…it’s wonderful even.
That I am indeed a Capricorn, gemini, and Aries.
You should never Nair your body hair off
I think about death a lot.
That I want to come back as a cheeky little ghost.
That I do so many things for other people and not myself.
That I need to harness my own brilliance more.
I don’t handle passive aggressive people well.
Cutting family out isn’t fun…but it’s okay.
My party trick would be being mean to someone.
That I don’t have to always educate white people on race.
Tonya harding knew…
That I often feel underutilized…and that I am just getting started.
Being petty can be fun
I am team NSYNC.
I wanted to be Carson Daily
That auditioning for American Idol is indeed a nightmare.
Creating my own content is truly the most empowering thing I’ve ever done for myself.
NYC is my home.
I used to wear mullet shirts and thought it was fashionable.
People are dating apps are gonna be casually racist.
That having a group of close Indian friends is life changing for me.
Sister Act 2 and Home Alone 2 are better movies that the originals. Fight me.
Laura Winslow and Steve Urkel were my first crushes
That I do not want to be a Twitter pundit.
Beetlejuice still slaps
We let Tyra banks get away with too many things on her show
I don’t mind people disliking me. It means im doing something right.
Dil Tu Pagel Hai is queer iconography
My ambition is next level…but it cant impede forward movement
That I do indeed know my worth.
Being suspended in high school was the greatest thing I could’ve ever done.
AIM was a haven for my alter egos
I never owned Heelys and I am proud of that.
Octopi are indeed fascinating to me
Viola and Madhuri are my acting idols.
J lo has indeed taken a Benjamin button esque potion and I want it
That I once sent a letter to the casting directors of Harry Potter thinking I could play harry.
That’d I’d probably be the villain on survivor.
Dosa and idli are indeed the keys to me heart.
That I still want to take over the world.
That this list took a long time to curate.
Being an artist from an underrepresented community is hard.
Seeing your friends succeed is simultaneously so joyful and yet sometimes difficult to watch.
Humaning is hard.
Sometimes I feel like an energy vampire.
That I need to stop trying to date people who aren’t interested in me.
It takes so much more work to be an asshole to someone than just be nice.
That working at a bar isn’t for me.
I served Tiffany Trump once and unsurprisingly she was a nightmare.
That I prefer to host and not travel. If you know you know.
I miss the drama of high school theater.
It’s so important to have mentors
I am so grateful for my high school and college professors.
I’ve known what I’ve wanted to do since I was 6 years old.
Covid made me understand my depression
We need to protect Jackee Harry at all costs.
I can hate football.
I can make a mean mezcal Negroni
Finding a group of travel friends is a joy.
I have no idea what’s next…and I am scared.
That it’s still hard for me to watch things that I don’t book.
My Hindi needs to be improved.
Being forgotten is my greatest fear.
That I have found joy in just taking time to breathe in the day.
My ambition is flawlessly flawed.
Don’t micromanage me.
Shrek was ahead of it’s time.
Drag Queens are indeed the highest form of art.
Not knowing everything is good.
Don’t wake me up in deep sleep.
I don’t have favorites. So don’t ask me.
I am a legend in the making.
I don’t plan video games because I know I’ll get addicted.
JumpStart 4th grade still gives me nightmares.
Wearing a speedo is terrifying.
Artists don’t have to struggle to be considered great. That’s bullshit.
People of color can’t be mediocre in ways white people are allowed to be to be considered great.
Political change takes time but I am sick of waiting.
Money can’t buy you class.
Starting a book club was game changing.
Know when to say you can’t do something.
Being vulnerable is a gift.
We’re not only working to make ourselves better, but we are making the world better for the next generation.