Dear world, let's stop romanticizing the "hustle"

Let's unpack.

Hi friends!

It’s been a while. And happy spooky season!

I took a little break from writing on this because…I really didn’t have much to say lol.

And took time away from social media cause…I was bored with it.

BUT NOW (insert drama) I am back to chat.

Some of this might not make sense. It’s a ramble.

So be patient.

But after this much-needed break, I’ve come back with the argument that we must stop romanticizing the “hustle.”

It’s not cute. And in my opinion, while there is much to be gained from optimism and working hard, the idea that in order to succeed or to be deemed worthy of the success you must “struggle,” is insane to me.

Okay, some of you may roll your eyes at this.

But hear me out!

I was out at a bar one night and someone asked me what I did.

I responded, “I’m an actor and writer."

This person was clearly not an artist because they responded: “Oh, so are you a REAL actor or an actor who waits tables.” (cue laughter from the said individual)

And then I just responded: “What is a REAL actor, to you?”

And the person couldn’t respond.

I then said, “You just called yourself a doctor but you’re in your first year of medical school so, by your definition, some people might not think you’re a REAL doctor yet, right?”

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This struck me for many reasons.

Not only was it slightly jarring but it tapped into an insecurity that I had.

“Was I a “real” artist?”

What does that even mean? To be real?

At that time, I wasn’t working on a paid project. I had just finished a job.

And I felt myself internally getting defensive at this silly joke.

After going home, I thought to myself: “why did that make me upset?”

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Fun fact. I’m not always employed as an artist.

And it’s not just me.

But social media can often indicate something else.

We showcase work as if we’re ALWAYS doing it but in reality, it ebbs and flows.

Now, am I working a great deal on my own projects and production company? Yes. But it’s not always my main source of income.

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There’s are actually two awful narratives about being an artist.

That in order to be considered one you have to either be:

A) Rich, famous, and working all the time before you are 25.

You basically have to win an Emmy and Tony before this age or people think “what are they even doing with your life?”

B) Struggle. The world must SEE your struggle. You must live paycheck to paycheck, not sell out, and “starve” and to the point of madness and depression.

But it’s okay…because that’s what it takes to be a real artist. Depression.

But these are very dangerous narratives.

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I’ve taken the last few months to really think about my worth as an artist.

And also how I define success,

And it’s been challenged.

As a friend. As a partner. As a business owner. But specifically, as a creative.

Oof. I know what you’re thinking. “Vishaal, shut up.”

Most of my close friends have heard me complain about not being where I want to be in my professional life.

I have lofty ambitions for myself and how I want to progress in my field.

Movies, television, musicals, plays, music, writing, direction, producing, blah, blah, blah.

I joke that I want to win an EGOT. But honestly… I’d love that. And I don’t think that having this ambition is a bad thing.

I may sound self-indulgent. But I don’t mean it this way. This is all in earnest.

But I’m always wanting more for myself. To the point where I’ve been getting in my own way.

The universe (not to get too woo-woo on you but bear with me) is like “bitch, stop overthinking and let go.)

As an Indian kid, I was conditioned to believe that the more prestigious job you had, the happier you’d be.

That if you had material things and fame, you could be considered a success.

And because you had success, you had earned the right to call yourself (insert title).

Let’s stop with this bullshit. Because it is…bullshit.

Because when we put that pressure on ourselves or romanticize the struggle, it will drive us mad.

I was so depressed at one point that I couldn’t create things.

“Depression? What even is that? That’s made up.”

That’s what an auntie said to me.

“What do you and your generation have to be unhappy about?”

As if having money and consistency in work stops unhappiness.

Sure, it might alleviate other aspects of life, particularly financial stress, but that always equal happiness, right?

Sometimes the journey to where we want to be isn’t fun. And as an artist, I had to accept that and plan how I wanted to live my life so that I can create what I want, but at the same time, be happy.

Sometimes the work doesn’t pay the bills. Sometimes your work isn’t accepted. Sometimes the work doesn’t feel safe. Sometimes the industry doesn’t provide opportunities for and you have to go and make them.

AND THAT IS OKAY.

It doesn’t make you any less of a success. Or less of an artist.

It’s just how things are.

And accepting them and letting go is so paramount.

Not everyone has connections to the biggest producers, writers, and creators in Hollywood.

Not everyone gets a shot at being in a Broadway show, a series regular, a film, a gallery installation, or a major music gig right out of college.

The artistic world is built on a model is inequity.

It doesn’t set people up for success.

And we must remind ourselves of his daily.

Capitalism has taught us that the best and brightest are the ones who win.

But that mentality is just so wrong.

In any industry, the “best” people aren’t the ones always working. Or getting promoted. Or rising to the top.

There are plenty of worthy and uber-talented humans who don’t get their moment to shine.

Capitalism perpetuates the idea that “if you continue to work hard, it will pay off.”

Maybe?

Hard work doesn’t always equate to major success.

Not everyone is going to succeed in the same ways. Not everyone’s idea of success is the same.

So why do we continue to define what success is for all?

What we should be discussing is how these pervasive ideologies are harmful and can cause people pain.

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I really just love making things with creative people.

I’m happiest when I get to perform.

But because of the way I was conditioned to think about success, I couldn’t understand why all the work I was putting in wasn’t yielding bigger rewards.

I didn’t consider myself an artist unless I was working.

Or receiving…

Monetary rewards.

Bigger auditions.

Producer meetings.

Writing gigs.

More prestigious acting jobs.

And it didn’t always happen.

And because of this, I was sad. And when I’m sad…I’m annoying.

An energy vampire.

And then one day it hit me.

Creativity and self-worth don’t always go hand in hand.

Being an artist isn’t easy.

Some people are really lucky, they get to work on incredible projects, earn a lot of money, and find professional success all the time.

For some people, it happens in spurts.

And for others, it just doesn’t.

That has been my fear.

That it won’t happen.

That I won’t reach the level of creativity and career success that I’ve always aspired to me.

But, why?

What does worrying even do?

Why do I care how the world perceives me?

Why does a comment questioned if I’m a real artist scare me?

Well…

Because I’ve been conditioned to believe that there are only a few pathways of success.

That success is dictated by a capitalistic mentality that money, valuables, and fame are what drives a person to be deemed, a winner.

And I believed it.

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I love to work. But my work and self-worth have always been intrinsically tied to one another.

Which isn’t a good thing.

I failed to realize how much GOOD I have in my life. My friends are wonderful. My family is supportive (even when they don’t understand things). I have wonderful creative collaborators. I have a home. I have some money in my bank account. I have food. I have people who believe in my work.

What more could you ask for?

Well, my bratty self (or just my Capricorn self), wants more.

More, more, more.

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As I said before…

Earlier this year, I quit. My brain quit, that is. And I took a tiny break to reset. And it terrified me.

My body just said to my brain “You’re exhausting soooo can I have a minute?”

But my brain said: “You’re failing if you take a break.”

And it again reminded me of my professional worth being tied to my happiness.

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Happiness comes and goes.

On social media and in daily life, I put out a very confident and honest front, but I’m human. Sometimes I’m happy and other times I’m not.

But right now…I am!

Woo.

And after conversations with numerous friends who were quite transparent with me, it’s okay to feel down. It’s okay to feel frustrated by the business that I’m in. It’s okay to be angry with silly things. It’s okay to be unemployed as an artist. It’s okay to have to take on multiple jobs to stabilize your life and get more skills. It’s okay to be angry that you can’t just BE the one thing you’ve set out to be.

All of these things don’t make you more or less of an artist.

All of these emotions are okay.

But what’s not okay….equating your self-worth and happiness to your work.

I’m glad I sorta figured it out?

I have my days where I revert back to spiraling. I have my days of frustration with this.

But I’m learning to let go and not be so precious with my work and the plan I’ve set for myself.

That’s really all I can do.

And to be honest, I’ve found so much happiness in letting go.

I know, right?

If you know me, you know this is a huge step.

Allowing myself to not feel shame for being unemployed as an artist.

But just to make what I want.

And most importantly.

Allowing myself to find happiness outside of work and art.

Not letting someone else’s definition of success define my mood.

It’s a challenge.

And I’m still working on it.

But it’s a joy when you can harness it.

So I hope to keep it this way.

It’s more fun.